A blog post by someone who wants to remain anonymous but wants to tell a story. A story about their open marriage. I think this is a brave piece of writing and so I’ll just let you get on and read.
Open by Anonymous.
I’m in an open marriage. It’s a secret we keep from our friends and family because it’s just a bit weird isn’t it?
We’ve been married forever and love each other dearly, but this year I decided I wanted more and had an affair. It was amazing, exciting, dangerous and very, very sexy. I couldn’t live with the guilt and soon confessed all to my husband. His reaction was one of obvious shock which quickly turned to arousal. He was immensely turned on at the thought of me with another man.
My affair continued with his permission and everyone was happy until my bit on the side and I split. My husband and I sat down and had a proper, grown up conversation. We agreed that we’d try having an open marriage. In practice it’s only me playing away, but he loves to hear about it.
He does admit to mixed feelings of jealousy and arousal, but our sex life has never, ever been better. I’m sexually available to him 24 hours a day and nothing is off-limits. Nothing. And he loves that.
We’ve set some ground rules. We have to be honest about what we’re doing, who we’re with and where we are, definitely no sneaking around. We always, always must have safe sex and we’ve got to try very hard not to develop feelings for other people. That last one can be difficult as I tend to fall easily into love/lust confusion.
Since my affair ended I’ve had a few short but very sexually fulfilling relationships with men and one woman. Ideally I’d like a couple of “friends with benefits”, trusted people I could go to for an evening of fun and games. I love sex and after sleeping with the same man for 20 years I’m desperate to try new things with new people. I know it’s dirty but I love it.
At the moment it’s working for us, we talk about it a lot and as long as we’re open and honest with each other then I don’t see a problem. This probably strikes you as an altogether bizarre arrangement, but it really does work for us, for now.
Thanks for reading.
Comments copied from original post which was posted on le main blog, but now hosted under this subsection.
6 responses on “Open. By Anonymous”
What a brilliantly honest post. Relationships are complex; affairs of the heart never seem to be simple, no matter how ‘normal’ the arrangement.
As for it being a bizarre arrangement… Well, what happens between two (or three, or more!) consenting adults is entirely their own concern. It might not be for everyone, but if it’s what you guys want then good on you for doing it in a responsible, adult way.
I couldn’t do it, but hey to each his/her own.
I don’t think this is bizarre at all, but that’s because the idea of monogamy and promising your body to someone for the rest of your living days is absurd to me. You can police your behavior and actions as much as you like, but your emotions? Eesht, ain’t nobody the boss of them.
What a brave post.
Thank you for being so refreshingly open. And as someone has said previously, what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own space is nobody’s business but their own. The only concerns I would have, and you have touched on this yourself, is the emotional side. Sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with, and if that happens to either one of you, it might put some strain on your relationship. But while you have it, why not enjoy it!
I suspect it’s more common than we think. I was listening to Zadie Smith on the radio the other day and something she said really stuck with me. I’m paraphrasing but in your 20s you are certain about everything and the older you get the more you realise you don’t know. I think it’s the same with relationships. They take all different shapes and sizes to work. Infidelity is and always has been common. How you manage the inevitable situation that one or both of you at some point will be attracted to someone else is up to you. You might be able to be open and admit that you wanted to stray even if you didn’t do so. That’s probably the best option but few do it. Certainly the older I get the more I think infidelity is not the automatic end of a relationship. I think the thing which might, in a sexist way make us a bit more shocked about the above is the fact it’s the woman cheating. The perception, again, probably wrong, is that it always used to be more men that strayed. Probably due to women’s increasing role in society and in the workplace I suspect this has changed.
I’m not sure I could live with an open relationship though but I wouldn’t judge those who can.