Things you must never say to your ex. A handy guide.

What not to say

Communication. It’s good. We all need it. If not then our heads explode.

I say that from experience.

And there are, in my professional experience, two ways to communicate. Well. And badly.

Oh, and the third way. REALLY badly.

It’s hard when emotions are involved, and quite often if one goes through an argument with their partner, or if ye and thee have split up and trying to make a life work, communication can become impossible. Like two angry brick walls having a chat.

But you have to. For the sake of the children. For the sake of yourselves and everyone around you. Of course, I’m simplifying this massively for the sake of humour but the real fact in many break-ups is that each word uttered in the presence of that ex can make you, or them, want to hurt the other.

Or worse.

Make a point.

Did you burn the pizza again?

So many things come from that. A reference to the past, and how useless you’ve been in the past, and a comment on how shitely you’re doing now. Which is well shitely. And how much faith they have in you.

You could’ve called.

Yes. Pointing this out means you know they could’ve, but they didn’t and they know they didn’t. How’s that gonna work out?  No good will come from it.

Fair play though. They could’ve called. Wankers.

So, here’s my handy guide of things that one shouldn’t say to one’s ex. Hours of research have gone into this. Years in fact. So. That makes me some sort of doctor right?

Things you must never say to your ex

I knew you’d do that…

Yes. It’s called BREATHING. I need it.

I’ll text you later about it…

No. It WILL end up in a furious row by text and your thumbs will hurt. Remember, what happens before you die is that moment when all your texts are read to you before you pass, so you don’t wanna go out on a downer. Or having lost an argument. Or feeling like you should’ve said THAT and you didn’t at the time.

I know. I read it on Facebook/Twitter

Ooof. A low blow which means that, despite you not following your ex and them not following you someone is still checking stuff, kumbayah. Oh lord.

Oh come here and give me a cuddle…

Nope. You’re divorced now. Separated. Those feelings have gone. Yes, they make look like the same person, sound like the same person, smell like the same person but they are NOT the same person. No matter how sympathetic that is, or good that might feel, remember they could be carrying a shiv to bury into your back.

Oh, and one more thing…

Nope. You’re not Columbo. Chances of you saying this is because you’ve had a row and this thing you wanna say is now an afterthought. You’ve moved on conversationally. This is not needed now. Be the bigger person and swallow that. And wait for them to text you later. Then you can mention it. Or put it on Facebook.

Remember, they’re an ex for a reason so be the bigger person and don’t play games. Don’t wound, hurt or kick out in spite. Communicate simply, for those people in your life that matter, and be the bigger person. If someone wants to have a row or kick off then walk away. Stick them on airplane mode. Let them sleep the booze off and then you can communicate betterly.

What have you got? Any more advice of things one shouldn’t say? All comments and advice might help. And could save a life.

Thanks for reading.


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