Correspondence to me, via the usual shizzle.
Objective: To prove that the news is the last thing you want to hear sometimes when you’re a parent. It’ll make your shit itch and your piss boil and it’ll also drive you a little bit nutsoid.
- Don’t do that. The news says it’s bad.
- DO DO that. If you don’t then it’s bad.
- Don’t watch the news. It will turn your brain inside out, make you doubt your sanity, make you doubt the things you were doing yesterday which were supposed to be the best thing ever, because today, someone says something different.
- Stop doing that. Because the new news says you shouldn’t. Or should.
- You’re not listening are you? Stop it. Bill Turnbull and that woman whose name I forget did sad faces this morning when saying the new news about that thing you’re doing, which was all cool yesterday, but now isn’t, isn’t something you should be doing. So stop it. Yesterday.
- The news is probably a sketch of a really interesting study, boiled down into a bite sized nugget of something which makes no real sense on its own but will turn your head inside out and make you a bit sick with worry.
- If you do that, it’s bad. But if you do that, then it’s good. So that is bad and that is good and the government back it up. So if you do it, or don’t do it, you’re probably illegal.
- Don’t watch too much TV. It’s bad for you. It was on the news.
- Do watch TV. Because it’s good and encourages discussion about ting.
- Oh do fuck off.
Thanks for reading.