Been a while eh? How’re you doing? All good out there? Keeping well? Excellent. Glad to hear it. You’re looking splendid. And YOU are looking gorgeous as per.
Got a question to ask you.
How, after a picture like this? Can someone regain a positive image in the press?
I mean, it just looks so WRONG. Some people just don’t have boundaries. How can one restore credibility, get work, and ensure you’re not arrested?
By being pictured with a dog.
I hope I don’t die tomorrow, or in the next few hours, because the first thing people do when you die is look through your internet history, and when they do, they’ll see that I’ve been searching for pictures of male celebrities with dogs. And that might make me look either gay or into dogs a little too much.
I’m neither of course. I’m a cat man more than a dog person and I’m very definitely heterosexuals. In fact, a statement that refutes both suggestions, is that is I love pussy, but I digress…
It would appear the thing to do, to make yourself look caring , sharing and loveable to the public at large after some HUGE great public fuck-up is to be pictured in the press holding a dog. Here are some cases in point.
See? Even Dav Cam looks human holding a dog. Mass murderers like Bush and Putin also look caring and cuddly with a dog. Danny Dyer? Awww bless him. Oook at his wiccle doggy. Harry’s probably had the dog, the cad (In that photo, doesn’t Harry look like that James Hewitt… nah. Must be my eyes) and as for Dr Fox. Well. Outrageous behaviour. How they got the stains out of the carpet I’ll never know but now all we remember is the dog. Which looks a bit like him. Or he looks like it. Either way. The Dog is your God, if you’re in a public pickle.
Holding a dog in a picture is the equivalent of the Winky Face at the end of a tweet. Your ‘Get Out of Jail Free Card allowing you to get away with almost anything. I did, of course bloog about this too, but in short, you can do ALMOST ANYTHING and the public will hate you for a bit, but as soon as they see a picture of you holding a dog? The harder edges start to soften and you become loveable again.
Remember this photo of Cheryl and Ashley promoting the lottery? This one that made us sick into our mouths collectively, and not in a good way?
We didn’t like them very much then did we?
But then Cheryl does this…
…and we’re all over her like a tramp on chips. While Ashley is still a…
So. The government are taking a bit of a battering at the moment. Herr Chancellor is squeezing the poor poorer, benefits have been cut changed or removed from some people altogether. Crisis loans for the terribly needy have been abolished, food banks are being set up around the country to help those in terrible financial problems and George Osborne has never been so unpopular. See? Just look at him…
But now, with my magic dog theory…
Nah. Not quite. He still looks evil. How about double-teaming him? How does he look now?
Look. Now he can get away with anything. Including taking the wallet out of your breeks while you’re still wearing them.
Fuck. What have I done?
So. My advice to anyone suffering an image crisis in the press is ‘get yo’ self photosnapped with a dog and the public will LOVE you. It’s worked for that lot up there and it can work for you. John Terry, Ashley Cole, Luis Suarez and Limahl please take note.
Okay, so maybe that’s a stretch too far.
After all it didn’t work for…
Thanks for reading. I’m off for a Shih Tzu.
This unashamed bit of nonsense/clear thinking/genius idea was inspired by a late night phone conversation with @trinitytherapy who I thank for both inspiring this post and for everything else in between. Why not give her a follow eh? She’s one of Life’s good ones.
Thanks DM. 😉