10,000 emails? FML


I do like a nice tidy inbox.

Stop sniggering at the back puh-lease! It’s you again isn’t it? It’s always you.

I am, of course, referring to my email account. I’ve been working on tidying it up as, really, 10,000 emails is way too much and it’s making me twitchy. Especially when most of them seem to be from the Freecycle List I joined a year and a half ago.

What with Life kinda catching up with me and battering me around the head a bit I’ve let things slip. I took my eye off the ball for a couple of months and BAM! 10,000 emails find themselves sitting in my inbox, which previously had been shinier than a new pin.

The Freecycle List is a useful thing for many people but, for me, it’s been a bit pointless and now is just an onerous chore as I Delete, Delete, Delete. I signed up so we could get rid of some of our old baby clothes and toys. As my ex-wife and I divorced the decisions for getting rid of things were taken by her and so I never put anything on the list. I never submitted an email saying ‘Offered: Lots and lots and lots of baby shizzle.’

People offer stuff on this Freecycle List, there’s usually over 50 things offered a day, and usually they are snapped up vair quickly. And so you get one email offering ting, another saying ting gwan subject to collection and then, maybe it comes on again if someone hasn’t collected it, and then withdrawn again, etc etc etc. But people do offer some random stuff. I mean, who wants a broken chair? A broken person perhaps?

And there are the ‘Wanted’ emails, people asking for stuff that others, maybe, no longer need. Some of these make my eyes roll as I think ‘You’ve got two hopes of getting a PS3 cockerchumpy.’ At Christmas someone asked anyone if they had a laptop so they could give it to their wife as a Christmas present. That doesn’t just take the biscuit, it breaks into the biscuit barrel and snaffles the whole lot. But if you don’t ask you don’t get I guess.

My favourite one, was a somewhat surreal one but I’ll detail it here. It simply said;

Wanted: A dead horse.

Hi. I’m doing an art project and I wonder if anyone has a dead horse. Thanks.

It caused a bit of controversy as some of the people responded to this calling it ‘sick’ and ‘disgusting.’ I don’t think the request was as such. I think having a dead horse lying about might be a bit sicker and a bit more disgustifying but that’s just me.

Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete. On I went deleting email after email. ‘Offered: Wardrobe. Bit Broken.’ ‘ Wanted: Old pants.’ ‘Offered: Hardcore porn dating from the 1970s’. ‘Wanted: One boot to match another which I lost.’ Delete. Delete. Delete.

Some things, obviously, in my inbox are special but some other things I must delete. Notifications of all the train journeys I’ve made recently. I kept them as they remind me of great times but I must delete them. Looking back on them may make me sad one day. Delete. Delete. Delete.

A picture, sent when passions were high. Shall I keep it? Yes. Will I regret keeping it at some point? Who knows. If needs be I can delete it then. But not now. Not now when I’m going through and finding…

Offered: Tins of cat food.

Offered: One cat bed.

Offered: One cat scratching post.

All we need now is for someone to offer a cat and we have the full house.

I’m down to under 3,000 now and still have more to go obvs nobs. I’ve been chipping away at it for a week and it’s feels like I’ve achieved something. I still think about deleting some personal things. I’m not sure why I do but that’s just me I guess and I’ve still yet to work me out. Perhaps I don’t want to see them and feel a surge of emotion that will make me think of something lost. I don’t know if I want to be swept up in a wave of heady, gorgeous nostalgia only to find myself wet and lying naked on a pebble beach of my own stupidity. I’ll decide at another time.

But right now, I’m not deleting anything else because my thumb hurts.

And so, your inbox. Massive or nice and tidy? Or don’t you give a shit? And are you on a Freecycle list, and if so, what’s the most random thing you’ve ever seen listed? Or the most useful thing you’ve ever got?

All comments in my nice shiny and tidy comments slot, if you please.

And, as always, thanks for reading.


18 responses to “10,000 emails? FML

  1. Freecycle list – nope, based on what I have read, I won’t be joining either! Inbox – both work & personal ones have to be nice & tidy!

  2. That doesn’t sound like fun but there is something very liberating about cleaning out an e-mail Inbox. Here is what I do with the shall I delete it things – I make a folder and pop it in there. If after a set time period 6 months, year, whatever I decide, I haven’t gone looking for it it gets deleted – if I have looked it up it gets moved to a proper subject folder.

    Freecycle – I am on a local list and I did freecycle some old moving boxes (ages ago); I haven’t noticed requests for any dead things but like you I look at some of the requests and wonder what the requester is thinking.

  3. I am with you – an inbox needs to be totally tidy, I am a massive deleter and it drives my OH mad when he asks me to dig out some correspondence from 2008 and I say deleted it! Or even from last week – DELETED IT! I just don’t like emails lying about cluttering the place up, so I delete delete delete… Might think about joining a Freecycle list though, sounds most entertaining!

  4. Massively anal about my inbox! If I’m not sure whether to delete or not it gets moved to my ‘misc’ folder where semi-unwanted, unloved emails go to dissolve back into the ether from whence they came.

  5. You can delete things in groups can’t you – like all e-mails from Freecycle.
    Now about this dead horse – you know about Findus right? Have you still got that e-mail – it my be wanted by the police lol

  6. Sometimes shinny, more often that not its packed with rubbish. I keep rejection emails. They remind me I need to try harder πŸ™‚

  7. Massive. Unruly. 200 pages on hotmail and that’s with deleting probably 80% of what lands in my inbox daily and having an exclusive screen so most junk mail doesn’t get through. I have moments though when, in a fit of pique I delete EVERYTHING. My last one was in 2007. Fortunately Hotmail don’t penalise me too much for it all and it can be useful to search back. I have had the account since 1999 though so in some ways I’m almost restrained. Kinda. πŸ™‚

  8. I’m not too bad at the moment, but I am getting to that point. My other half, and my daughter are a different matter. thousands or rubbish notifications from Facebook. I keep telling them to clear them out, but s far nothing has been done. Typical.

  9. A brief Facebook insania surge made it jump over the 500 mark in a few hours today but I drank some wine and hit delete with one eye open and look of forced concentration and harmony war restored. I operate a 24 blogs into one email account policy that always was at best, optimist and at worst the thinking of a fucking lunatic, this means that I get a lot of ‘comment waiting to be approved: Hey my man, you write good content, I like your postings! I have bookmarked your site. BUY VIAGRA BEST DEALZ NOW…. I was about to write a spam comedy url but it dawned on me that Askismet may well flag that up as spamalot too. You have my sympathies, maybe a generic ‘who had a right footed purple sock because I really need one’ reply would freak them all out?

  10. The interwebz is just too vast, I tells ya!

    I looked in that old fashion paper Friday Ad once. My funky freebee kitchen door did fit into my sexy saxo after all……..

    My inbox? It looks shiny most of the time. But the 50 million, thousand folders I move my emails into? Some of those have got to go!

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