Today I was dans le supermarche and while perusing the newspapers I came upon this. Not literally you monsters…
Our old friend, the DM. The Bond villain of Life.
And then, an idea! The DM is a successful newspaper and has a big online presence. It’s an organ which appeals to a certain type of person. It doesn’t appeal to me as I hate it and what it peddles more than I can find words for. And to think, I almost ended up writing a piece for it, but more on that another time. Lets just say I’m no fan. But I won’t ever knock a DM reader down. My aunt is one, and quite frankly you can years in prison for doing so, even if you claim you were drunk and your dog did the driving.
But I digress, what you read is up to you but let’s face it Hound Dog, if you read the Daily Mail then you ain’t no friend of mine.
Back to my idea. Anyhow. Every noo and again I see lots of tweets when the DM goes into one. Lots of people tweeting the latest piece by Jones or Brick or that other one and this annoys me as Twitter perpetuates all the bollocks the DM publishes. The DM understand how social media works very well indeed and what disappoints me most is that these RT’s drive more traffic to the article in question, and onto the DM website, which makes it more successful. All this benefits the DM as the more traffic it gets, the more money it can charge for ads and interstitials, and the more they can claim to be the biggest online paper in the country, with increased revenues paying for the Death Star they’re building which will soon mean they can hold the world to ransom.
So, today’s lesson my friends is, if it’s on the DM website and it pisses you off, don’t RT it. Let’s reduce traffic to the site and cut the blood supply off.
In order to ensure that we cut down visits to the DM website, once a week I will pick a piece and summarise so you don’t have to click on the link itself. I’ll employ various methods to interpret the pieces including craft, art, dance, and poetry. Firstly, let’s take this piece. A bit of “news” so utterly nothingy that not even the writer could be arsed.
Model in looking good shocker. FML, sideways. Next week she’ll be a fat, old looking hag.
And on we plough through the sewage. Now I’m going to take a look at the DM piece I saw on today’s front page and also published online; ‘Benefits rising twice as fast as salaries: Payments to unemployed jump by 20% in five years’ Ready? I’m doing this so you don’t have to and FYI I’ll need a fucking knighthood for this…
Let’s look at this closely shall we. First of all it’s written by someone called Gerri Peev. Peev. I guess its an apt name but it sounds made up. Like Dave Angry or Sally Spaff-Bollocks. Anyhow, you can’t knock someone because they have a name appropriate to their job. After all, I’m sure Dr Pratima Khunti is an excellent gynaecologist
. Moving on…
Notice how keen the DM are so keen to bash out their message that they can’t even be arsed to spell the name correctly of the minister responsible for this information. It’s Iain Duncan Smith not Iana you fucktards but that’s just nit picking innit? I shouldn’t really have a go at someone for incorrectly spelling a 4 letter name.
Let’s look at some of the things in this piece which made me spew blue.
First of all the figures quoted in the ting. A 20% increase in Jobseekers Allowance over 5 years from 59.15 per week to £71.00 per week. FUCK ME THAT’S ASTONISHING. It is, it says so in line 4. This astonishing £10.85 per week increase, crept up over 5 years covers the fact that fuel prices, food prices, travel prices and the general cost of cocking living has risen. The fact that the cost of living has risen isn’t the fault of the unemployed, it’s the fault of those who allow fuel prices, energy prices and travel prices to increase so dramatically. And that would be? Oh yeah. The Government.
Please compare this astonishing rise in handouts with something else that government also set figures for each year. The minimum wage. In the same time frame as mentioned above the government have increased the minimum wage over 5 years from £5.73 per hour to £6.19 per hour. A massive increase of 8%.
Mr Duncan Smith said the new Universal Credit system would ensure fairness, adding: ‘This Government is restoring fairness to the system and Universal Credit will ensure it always pays to be in work.’ The measly rise in the minimum wage proves that. And the fact that the government has done so much to help with childcare costs for working parents
proves him totally correct. I commissioned the gorgeous @motherventing
to do a picture to show just how great he is. As well as a great writer and tennis player she’s also an incredible artist. She’s got a great set of talents and is very obliging when you mention drawers. Anyhow, moving on…
Another quote from this toss, ‘Mr Osborne is determined to shave a further £10billion from the welfare bill, on top of an £18billion reduction in benefits already in place, after a more downbeat than expected economic forecast.’ A more downbeat economic forecast? So more cuts on the horizon then? More people will be made redundant and more will join those claiming Jobseekers Allowance. Hmmm. Somehow this isn’t stacking up for me.
I could rip the shit out of this all week. Not in a clever way but in a ranty way, so itchy does this sort of thing make my shit, but by clicking on this blog post you’ve done one thing: you’ve not looked at the DM. I’ve not had to RT it to get your views, and opinions and I’ve saved you the hassle of having to disinfect yourself thoroughly after picking up a copy. Please RT this and comment as you see fit, in my downbelows comments box.
Of course the journalists are just doing their job. They’re whipping their readers into a frenzy in order to create talking points and snowball their message further into the rest of the media. And if they don’t do it correctly and effectively? Then I guess people like Gerri Peev will soon be collecting their £71 per week.
Thanks for reading. And thanks for not clicking on the Daily Mail website today. Your reward? Some footage of dogs driving…