Taking one for the team…

Today I was dans le supermarche and while perusing the newspapers I came upon this. Not literally you monsters…


Our old friend, the DM. The Bond villain of Life.

And then, an idea! The DM is a successful newspaper and has a big online presence. It’s an organ which appeals to a certain type of person. It doesn’t appeal to me as I hate it and what it peddles more than I can find words for. And to think, I almost ended up writing a piece for it, but more on that another time. Lets just say I’m no fan. But I won’t ever knock a DM reader down. My aunt is one, and quite frankly you can years in prison for doing so, even if you claim you were drunk and your dog did the driving.

But I digress, what you read is up to you but let’s face it Hound Dog, if you read the Daily Mail then you ain’t no friend of mine.

Back to my idea. Anyhow. Every noo and again I see lots of tweets when the DM goes into one. Lots of people tweeting the latest piece by Jones or Brick or that other one and this annoys me as Twitter perpetuates all the bollocks the DM publishes. The DM understand how social media works very well indeed and what disappoints me most is that these RT’s drive more traffic to the article in question, and onto the DM website, which makes it more successful.  All this benefits the DM as the more traffic it gets, the more money it can charge for ads and interstitials, and the more they can claim to be the biggest online paper in the country, with increased revenues paying for the Death Star they’re building which will soon mean they can hold the world to ransom.

So, today’s lesson my friends is, if it’s on the DM website and it pisses you off, don’t RT it. Let’s reduce traffic to the site and cut the blood supply off.

In order to ensure that we cut down visits to the DM website, once a week I will pick a piece and summarise so you don’t have to click on the link itself. I’ll employ various methods to interpret the pieces including craft, art, dance, and poetry. Firstly, let’s take this piece. A bit of “news” so utterly nothingy that not even the writer could be arsed.


Model in looking good shocker. FML, sideways. Next week she’ll be a fat, old looking hag.

And on we plough through the sewage. Now I’m going to take a look at the DM piece I saw on today’s front page and also published online; ‘Benefits rising twice as fast as salaries: Payments to unemployed jump by 20% in five years’ Ready? I’m doing this so you don’t have to and FYI I’ll need a fucking knighthood for this…


Let’s look at this closely shall we. First of all it’s written by someone called Gerri Peev. Peev. I guess its an apt name but it sounds made up. Like Dave Angry or Sally Spaff-Bollocks. Anyhow, you can’t knock someone because they have a name appropriate to their job. After all, I’m sure Dr Pratima Khunti is an excellent gynaecologist. Moving on…
Notice how keen the DM are so keen to bash out their message that they can’t even be arsed to spell the name correctly of the minister responsible for this information. It’s Iain Duncan Smith not Iana you fucktards  but that’s just nit picking innit? I shouldn’t really have a go at someone for incorrectly spelling a 4 letter name.
Let’s look at some of the things in this piece which made me spew blue.
First of all the figures quoted in the ting. A 20% increase in Jobseekers Allowance over 5 years from 59.15 per week to £71.00 per week. FUCK ME THAT’S ASTONISHING. It is, it says so in line 4. This astonishing £10.85 per week increase, crept up over 5 years covers the fact that fuel prices, food prices, travel prices and the general cost of cocking living has risen.  The fact that the cost of living has risen isn’t the fault of the unemployed, it’s the fault of those who allow fuel prices, energy prices and travel prices to increase so dramatically. And that would be? Oh yeah. The Government.
Please compare this astonishing rise in handouts with something else that government also set figures for each year. The minimum wage. In the same time frame as mentioned above the government have increased the minimum wage over 5 years from £5.73 per hour to £6.19 per hour. A massive increase of 8%.
Mr Duncan Smith said the new Universal Credit system would ensure fairness, adding: ‘This Government is restoring fairness to the system and Universal Credit will ensure it always pays to be in work.’ The measly rise in the minimum wage proves that. And the fact that the government has done so much to help with childcare costs for working parents proves him totally correct. I commissioned the gorgeous @motherventing to do a picture to show just how great he is. As well as a great writer and tennis player she’s also an incredible artist. She’s got a great set of talents and is very obliging when you mention drawers. Anyhow, moving on…
Another quote from this toss, ‘Mr Osborne is determined to shave a further £10billion from the welfare bill, on top of an £18billion reduction in benefits already in place, after a more downbeat than expected economic forecast.’ A more downbeat economic forecast? So more cuts on the horizon then? More people will be made redundant and more will join those claiming Jobseekers Allowance. Hmmm. Somehow this isn’t stacking up for me.

I could rip the shit out of this all week. Not in a clever way but in a ranty way, so itchy does this sort of thing make my shit, but by clicking on this blog post you’ve done one thing: you’ve not looked at the DM. I’ve not had to RT it to get your views, and opinions and I’ve saved you the hassle of having to disinfect yourself thoroughly after picking up a copy. Please RT this and comment as you see fit, in my downbelows comments box.
Of course the journalists are just doing their job. They’re whipping their readers into a frenzy in order to create talking points and snowball their message further into the rest of the media. And if they don’t do it correctly and effectively? Then I guess people like Gerri Peev will soon be collecting their £71 per week.
Thanks for reading. And thanks for not clicking on the Daily Mail website today. Your reward? Some footage of dogs driving…

16 responses to “Taking one for the team…

  1. I screencap the DM and summarise so people don’t visit the site. I freely admit I have a personal peeve against them, they took over my old company many years ago and cheerfully made us all redundant. We were sub-editors, checking spelling, facts etc – so I get exceptionally angry when I see their poor spelling, grammar and woeful manipulation of facts. My sick pay last month was not even enough to cover my rent. But who needs food, prescriptions, electricity etc anyway? The Daily Mail are the effluent of society. The fact they have a section called ‘Femail’ that I should like because I have boobs, don’t even get me started!

  2. Since I cannot click on the DM link to check does it mention that to be ‘rewarded’ with £71 a week JSA the unemployed person is expected to ‘work’ for between 21 and 35 hours each week looking for work?

    Probably not because then it would have had to go on to ask the question how can the same Government insist on a NMW on one hand but then demand people only ‘earn’ a third of that as a ‘methodology’ to measure how efficient an unemployed person is looking for work? What takes me three hours might be done by Gerri Peev in 6 hours or 30 minutes.

    Did Gerri go on to advise us how to live on £71 a week? I would be interested to know if it involved something other than 7 different meals with baked beans. I wonder if s/he has considered that when one cannot pay the mortgage out of that £71 receiving JSA is not exactly a perk.

    Oh Spencer .. now you have me venting and I really want to click on the DM link to respectfully suggest that Gerri Peev goes undercover as an unemployed person … but you thanked us so nicely I will show my pooches the video instead and calm down

    • It doesn’t mention any of these things. I think it’s maybe leading it’s reader to believe that Jobseekers doing nothing and gold bullion is posted through their letterbox.

      Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment so briiliantly.

  3. Geni-arse, well done! I’m loving this, but I do hope you’re wearing protective clothing whilst you’re reading it, so the ignorant drivel doesn’t seep into your miiiind! EEK!

    • Good point well made. Although I wouldn’t wipe my arse with it. Don’t want it near my sensitive regions.
      Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment.

  4. I only look at *that* website for light hearted stuff, the artist who makes pictures out of denim jeans or the chap who took pictures of the same landscape every month for a year. I like those stories….however the DM does insist on writing about their sexual orientation and the cost of their luxury 3 bedroom home too…its a pleasure/pain thing!

  5. Thank you, and yes I do not click on any link to any DM article and thank you for not providing one.

  6. Being a news junkie, I don’t actually mind the DM, it’s amongst one of my many, many daily newspaper reads. It’s about keeping it in context, they sensationalise, so know this when reading. I also have a few friends who work for them, so like to catch up on what they are doing.

    I totally get the frustration about rise in benefits, but take it from me, private sector pay has been pants these past five years too. As example, my BIL who works for a newspaper (not Mail) hasn’t had a pay rise in 5 years, on contrary, they’ve twice been asked to take a 5% cut (this is common amongst many friends). Add to this exponential rises in commuting rail fare, food, etc., this has pushed my sister into full time work as well just to live and she has two kids.

    We have huge debts that our kids are going to inherit if we don’t act. Perhaps better government planning on how money is spent and where. Small businesses are closing because they can’t meet minimum wage, maybe for every person they employ and take off benefits Government could pay half? Just a thought.

  7. I haven’t had a pay rise in 5 years and the people on min wage are catching up with me! Where is the help with childcare for working parents coz I have been told by everyone I’m not entitled to any help!

  8. The Daily Mail has become a sort of hate object for a lot of people I know. Obviously it has a particular political line, which some people are never going to be happy with, but I’ll try and steer clear of the politics for now.

    What is of interest is how much vitriol has come to be unthinkingly directed at DM readers, as though they are the ignorant fools that we should all despise. When I spotted this phenomenon, I also started noticing the behaviour of Daily Mail readers in the Costa branch that I often frequent. They held doors open, offered people their seats and the paper they’ve just been reading, chat very politely and in general display very pleasant manners.

    I politely decline when they offer me the DM to read, as I can never find any opinion or reporting worth reading there. It’s a successful business, and appears to remain so by not trying too hard to educate anyone with well-argued analysis (I have to say the broadsheets are seldom much better in this regard – usually pandering to prejudices in slightly more sophisticated language). The celebrity stuff in the DM is indeed STUNNINGLY vacuous.

    If we feel the content reflects their (large) readership, then in a statistical sense perhaps it does. But let’s not bash the readers in a very prejudice-like way. I think it’s a mistake to do that

    • Good point. I was just in a ranty mood and as you say it is successful. DM readers are fine. It’s those ones who read the Telegraph that I really dislike. #joke 😉

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