Run to the hills it’s Christmas time! Or something.
Meh. I’m not feeling it this year. I have a Christmas jumper, which is awesome, but apart from that I have as much festive spirit as a tank full of dead sea-monkeys. Of course presents will be bought, gifts will be exchanged, and I’ll see the children on Christmas Day, but the build up to it all is what does my head in. Things like the constant violation of my ears by Cliff fucking Richard or Sla-fucking-de whenever I want to visit the supermarket for some bog roll? No thank you. Nein danke. I once heard the Glee Christmas album while I was doing some shopping and it actually felt like someone was vomiting Christmas into my ears. And not in a good way.
But I was tagged on this little festive meme by @HomemadeHappi who’s version of this is here. It contains her answers to some questions set by another and I’d urge you to take a look at hers, purely in order to cleanse your palate of the bile and sweary invective that I’m about to spew all over the internet in 5…4…3…
Batten down the hatches, or, if you are easily offended, please look away now as this meme will contain strong language throughout.
1. What is your favourite thing about Christmas?
Traditionally it was carol singing as I was in a choir for many years. I loved spending Christmas with my aunt, uncle and cousin when I was younger. Last year was a shite one so we won’t go there. The children have been too young to appreciate it in the past. This year they will be old enough and perhaps I’ll find something new in it. Perhaps I’ll see Christmas through their eyes and rediscover the joy a bit.
It always seems like a lot of hassle to go through for one day. A couple of years back my ex and I were doing the Christmas shopping with T in the car and had a car crash. See? Me and Christmas don’t get on. It’s a hat full of bollocks. On your head.
It would be easier for me to list the things I hate about it but, that would be a list that would go on and on and on till the end of fucking time.
This year I’m looking forward to seeing my children on Christmas Day, and I’m looking forward to Boxing Day. That’s it. Sorry, I’m a bit of a Christmas-a-phobe.
2. What is your favourite make up look for the season?
I’m going for shimmer this year. There’s a reason we love tinsel on Christmas trees and strings of lights around our homes: They make everything look beautifully glowing. The same is true for highlighting makeup, which I LOVE! I sweep a glittering powder over my cheekbones, below my brow bone and on the inner corner of my eyes. I use Estee Lauder Limited Edition Brilliant Shimmer All-Over Powder in order to achieve this look:
3. Real or fake tree?
I read that as ‘real or fake TITS’ the first time I saw this. Real. Had a fake one when I was growing up and it looked bald by the time I was 9. Real all the way. Same goes with tits.
4. Giving or receiving presents?
You don’t want to know how I read THAT the first time I saw this. Giving. Always giving, always a giver.
5. What is your favourite Christmas film?
The Human Centipede. NEXT!
6. What is your favourite Christmas food?
The trimmings. Sausages in bacon, stuffing, roast veg, sprouts. Oh, mince pies. I love mince pies and thing they should be available all year round. I love Christmas pudding and…
OH FUCK. NOW I’M STARTING TO FEEL ALL FESTIVE!
Merry Christmas one and all. May it bring you all you wish for, and may it also be a time of fun for you and your family. I wish you all a wonderful time, from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for reading.