Some things I hate about being a parent…

parenting

I hope you all know that I love my children beyond words, and loved being a SAHD for many years. Yeah? Good. All golden.

Now I can say what I want.

I’m only human, and full-time parenting is a tough and relentless job, and there are some things which aren’t so joyful. Of course watching your children grow, develop and learn in front of you is worth more than all the wealth in the world. Watching them take their first steps, say their first words, and of course, watching a two year old say dinosaur, which always sounds a bit like ‘arsehole’  is great fun, but here’s my list of things that I don’t/didn’t like so much, found a chore or simply just hate. In no particular order…

Smug Parents
Okay, so you bump into someone in the playground and ask how their child is getting on and they report that their 2 year old, born a week after yours, eats EVERYTHING put in front of them, sleeps through the night and has learnt some Mandarin from the sodding Lingo Show. While yours is sticking a rice cake in their ear and quacking.

Soft Play
Never a good day when you meet the parent who tells you their child is potty trained at the age of 18 months, making you feel inadequate, but made slightly better when their child pisses in the ball pool. Sad to see when the parent then tells their child off, of course, balanced by the humour in seeing the balls float on a sea of urine. Swings and roundabout that one.

Messy Play
A) It’s messy and B) it sounds like deviant sexy time. Nuff said.

Early Mornings and Late Nights
No-one functions well on little or no sleep. Thatcher said she did, but she was fairly bonkers at times and sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Of course, the reason we’re not sleeping is usually because there’s an illness or a baby not settling, which just makes it all worse as you feel so useless. You’d take the illness from them in a heartbeat as you don’t want to see them ill. This isn’t altruism or love. It’s because then you can get a decent night’s kip. No such thing as altruism my friends…

Babytalk
Awww, diddums. Did ‘oo bump ‘or head? Do you want me to wipe your botbot? Would you like an applewapple?
Fuck off. Just fuck off.

Not babytalk
The total opposite of the above. Once heard a parent talk about how proud they are that their 3 year old complained about how she fell and hurt her vagina. Almost put me off my ‘iccle rice cakes.

Talk
I could chat to my children all day long, but sometimes, the constancy and relentlessness makes you wish for an adult conversation to break that up. Especially difficult if you’re a single parent or with a partner who just doesn’t talk to you. “I JUST LONG TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO AN ADULT” a friend once said to me. Made harder if you can’t get out to do other things, or go out with your partner regularly because you don’t have babysitting options.

Playdates
I know a lot of people find these stressful. Lots of children in the same space, turning your house upside down and generally causing chaos in your home, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean the promise of one that never materialises. We sent a neighbour a congratulations card when they had their third child just after T was born. Their Thank You card said ‘You must come round for a play date soon!’ but, three years on, the invite has never materialised.

Raincovers For Pushchairs
So it’s raining but you need to go out. Put the raincover over the buggy or stroller and what happens? Your child kicks and kicks and kicks at it, so much that the bloody thing rips itself to uselessness. Or they pull at it so much they end up covering themselves with rain, and then complain about it. If I was being pushed around in a cosy pushchair covered in a clear plastic bubble I’d be beside myself with joy! I’d love it. Plus they take ages to put on, all those straps and velcro without all the promise of sexytime at the end of it, and invariably you have to take them off when you go indoors which means someone somewhere is going to end up a sodden mess, if you’re not one already.

Crafting
Fuck me. Crafting. Nowadays people recycle cardboard, newspaper, plastic bottles, and when you decide to craft something you NEED all this shizzle, so you have to collect them all in advance, find a place to store them and then, when it comes to making something with all the craft stuff you’ve spent a fortune on, someway, somehow, you will go to the loo later in the day and find glitter on your cock.

So that’s a few of the things I hate. As Julie Andrews might sing ‘These are a few of my least favourite things.’ This has been a cathartic experience, as I’m not a perfect parent, have never pretended to be and I don’t have perfect children, whatever they are. I love them, utterly but, you know, sometimes?

Let me know what you dislike or find hard about being a parent. Share with the group, and perhaps make me feel a little less bad about this post.

Thanks for reading.

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37 responses to “Some things I hate about being a parent…

    • Bet it ended up on your face at some point and someone handily pointed it out though. A few days later.
      Thanks for taking the time to read it. 🙂

  1. I’m with you on crafting! It’s shit and I hate it. They don’t even make anything good. Most of it gets stored in “mummy’s special filing cabinet” (the bin) and I have to clean up. You forgot to mention shit children’s tv. Fecking Rhyme Nobbers. Sometimes I wish they’d watch the bloody news.

    P.S. my daughter could speak more Mandarin than English a few months ago… But that’s really not a good thing (it was 2 words and she’s almost 3 *sigh*)

    Great post as always 🙂

  2. I never craft with my kids. Never take them to any kid-themed places if I can help it. Never bothered to feed them anything other than non-quibble ready meals or modify my vocabulary. In fact, I was thinking last night that I’m do bugger all for the poor creatures. Which brings me to the thing I most hate about parenthood: guilt!

    • Ahh, that one. I guess we all feel we don’t do enough, even when we’re doing so much our bums don’t hit the sofa from 6am to 9pm. But if you’re guilty then I’m guilty too, and we’re both going down together. 🙂

  3. The amount of time it takes to do things the “right way.” Like making your three-year-old pick up his own things, when he really doesn’t see the logic of putting one set of toys away before starting in on something else. Or enforcing a time-out when you REALLY need to leave the house because you have to be somewhere on time. Also, trimming toenails 🙂

    Thanks for the laughs this morning!

  4. Yeah, talk, adult interaction is lacking in my life. Now my 4yo is at school my conversations haven regressed even more, as it’s just me and the 2yo. It’s ok I guess, we have a laugh.
    Ahh the raincover, the kicking, the damn kicking, stop kicking it! Stop it! Now we’re both wet. Happy now? Of course you aren’t ’cause now you’re cold and wet. Vicious cycle.

  5. Whew! I thought I was reading a part of my earlier toddler days with my son. Pretty much you mentioned all the things I hate too as a parent. I love my son and I want him to learn life and grow based on his comfort zone and not compare him with other kids. I irritates me when parents start comparing kids and making other parents feel deficient. I agree, we are only humans. I met some parents that seems too perfect from the outside. Perhaps they are but I sure do know that I am not. Great post.

  6. Haa! how funny. spot on. Guilt is top of the list for me. Guilt for shouting at them when you’ve already asked them 10,000 times to put their shoes on. Guilt for working. Guilt because you snapped when they tell you they’ve got to go to school as their fave book character…the next day…and it’s already 9pm! Guilt – man i hate that word.

  7. Apart from adding vomit to the list, which I seriously hate and never even dreamed of when pg with no 1, the list is spot on and made me laugh out loud, especially smug parents.

  8. As a SAHD I hated the isolation of the playground as groups chatted and ignored the bloke in the corner. I always disliked the gene arms race too, the whole ‘my kid does X, Y and Z’ as though we all have to conform to the same damn chart?!
    Above all I hated, and still do. the insinuation that once the kids come life ends for you until they leave, like you cant shag, drink, smoke or thrive with them in your life? All your energy must go into them, all your time, all your love! Not true! We have always felt that the family is strongest and the best place for the kids if we are together, talking, discussing and encouraging each other so that the kids have an enviroment they can feel relaxed in.
    Its a great post as always and a great subject.
    In the end parenthood isnt easy, I drove my parents crazy and was an arse, but I think out eldest is a better person than I was at his age and so maybe we are doing the right things?
    God I hope so…

  9. Glitter gets fucking EVERWHERE doesn’t it? And it never washes off!
    Agree with every single point, especially the lack of adult conversation. I think the hardest part for me is not losing the plot when my child repeats something 50 plus times even after I’ve answered her. Sometimes I genuinely think I have no brain cells left.

  10. My child doesn’t sleep, or eat anything much, and was trying to use his dummy as a phone the other day. Oh and I have no idea where to start with craft! But he is very very cute, that’s enough, right? Ohhh to be a smug parent!

  11. I work part-time as a telemarketer. How sad is it that sometimes I look forward to going to such a shit job just to be able to talk to someone who doesn’t repeat herself a thousand times in a row?

    And yeah, guilt. Guilt sucks.

  12. I don’t know what happened to me. A year ago I was a normal person now I actively seek crafty blogs. Someone slap me!

  13. Mine are a bit older (another list) but my heart used to sink every meal time when I would try desperately to come up with something they liked and they would just look at it, and sometimes even cry! I’m not even a bad cook. It’s no wonder I bloody hate making dinner now.

  14. i hate having to be “mean mommy” .. laying down the rules to the inevitable response, “i don’t want you anymore” and then the comparison to another mom who’s much more fun than i am… although being the mean mommy is getting easier i could still do without it.

  15. much sympathy
    … i’ve only recently become a single dad and mine are 16&23 so a lot of these are just a distant memory, though i remember that “smug parents” feeling of inadequacy only too well, though in my case i’d describe it as “insensitive parents”.
    I’ve been car pooling to work for 25 years. There are 3 other in the pool at the moment : one is new, an other has been doing it for 10 years and the third has been pooling with me the whole time. I used to hate Mondays, because it was typically Mondays when we all (except me) went on about what fantastic things their kids had been doing with their friends. My eldest boy Tom (now 23) is autistic and (a) never really had any local friends, having been schooled is a different county – and never really felt the need for friends, because of his condition (b) never really did stuff that my colleagues kids were into,.being happy to lose himself in activities alone.
    Week by week this went on. Each one of their stories ended up feeling like a dagger in my heart in the end and sometimes i was close to tears, though they’d never have known..
    Over the years I reconciled myself to the fact that every child is different (duh) but it would have been nice that they’d been a bit more considerate and thoughtful..

    The “talk” section also has resonance, even now they’ve almost grown up, as they both sit with their headphone on all the time and so i still don’t have anyone to talk too :/

  16. Judgement from other parents…and non-parents. That is without doubt my biggest hate about being a parent…other people feeling they have the right to tell me how to do things. Why can’t they all just jog on and look after their own little brats, mine are perfectly bratty already without further unwanted input thank you very much!

  17. Hey, this is an excellent post! It made me laugh too. I cant abide smug parents, or parents that think they are the only parents in the world, I work with one! OMG does she not know I have been a mum for 11 years already… I cant stand the parents that treat their children like shit, they talk to them like crap and then adorn them with gushing sentiments all the the same sentence.

    Potty training for us was the hardest, arent those kids trained really young so amazing…yeah yeah….

    Baby talk!! Made up words? You are so right fuck off, just fuck off.

    Love your post! :o)

  18. I don’t do craft as I hate glitter….Thing 4 found a tube of glitter in the car, now my back seats will be forever pink and sparkly! Thing 2 was responsible for that as it was free with her stupidly expensive comic…another thing that gets me I had Beano for about 45p, now they all have freebies and cost £3+.
    I don’t give a toss about competitive parenting as I have 4 who are all very different and to be honest parenting 4 takes enough energy without worrying what others can do better than mine.
    Good blog!

  19. Brilliant post, thankyou.

    I found myself talking to a trolly I was pushing round waitrose. my son was at home with his mum, I’m placing the fault of this firmly at the door of sleep deprivation.
    The hardest thing is recently the boy started sleeping all the way through without needing a dummie/tuck-in during the night, & I miss the wake up! Somehow the interruption made it seem like I was getting more sleep.

    Great Blog.

  20. Just brilliant, thank you. Hey, do you know how many times a day a 3 yr old can push a dinosaur in your face and go “roooaaaarrr”? Nope, me either. I gave up counting after 30 times, and that was just before Mr Fucking Tumble came on.
    Brilliant post!
    Nia

  21. I love your post and oh boy can I relate to it. I hate most other parent full stop to be honest. I can’t stand the smug parent, the I am the best parent in the world and you have no idea how amazing I am and the baby talk!!!! jesus yes, fuck of with that one, my mum was a sucker for it.

    I work with one of those, I have a baby and you have no idea (despite the fact that my first born is 11) some people are so pantronising and generally arseholes. Your post was brilliant and really funny. Well done!! x

    • Love this post my thing i hate above all others as a single dad of a six year old and a two you old is when people say ” we dont know how you do it you are great with your kids” even had that from the six year olds teacher at parents evening. What do they expect????

  22. I spend my days picking up stuff! Toys, food, shoes, cups, spoons, teddies, books, more food. I’m like one of those birds that drink water, you know the bobbing ones?

  23. “Smug Parents… they report that their 2 year old, born a week after yours, eats EVERYTHING put in front of them, sleeps through the night…”

    A chap I worked with, who seemed to want to compete with me on every conceivable issue, despite my lack of interest, had a son born 6 months after mine. We met one time and he did seem to like our son. My partner said – in sympathy, she is entirely incapable of competitive parenting – “so are you folks getting any sleep?”

    (“Oh here we go” I thought to myself)

    The level of satisfaction with which he replied (“Actually he’s been sleeping through from early on”) was so epic that I had to stifle a hyena-like laugh.

    I saw his wife and son a little while later. She was concerned about their lad’s development (I’m sure he will be fine) She perhaps comes from quite an achievement-oriented family, but her attitude was quite different. When you get both parents doing the competitive-parent thing it must be tiresome indeed.

    • Gosh yes. I refuse to be drawn into any discussions like this and just say ‘How lovely’ when someone tells me their child loves fennel.
      Thanks for your comment, and for reading. 🙂

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