A nice cup of tea

Do you know something?

My ex-wife has never made me a cup of tea.

Never. Not one. Not one single cup of tea has she made me.

In all the time I’ve known her. From the first passionate, intense, sex-before-work-and-thrice-on-a-Saturday, stay-in-bed -reading-the-newspapers days, right through to the end of our marriage, and the last days of sharing our house, not one cup of tea did she make me.

Not on a birthday nor on Christmas. Day. Not even following surgery. Nope. Nadda. Nothing. Niszch,

She says she doesn’t know how to because she doesn’t drink it. I’ve explained that it’s not a massively complex thing and I’ve said “I’ll show you. You get Mr Tea Bag and he walks along and says “Hello” to Mr Mug, and then hops inside…and then you…” but by the time I get to this stage she’s gone into the next room or has become invisible, probably flicking V’s at me or doing the universally-recognised hand gesture for ‘Wanker.’

She’s made a cup of tea for my mum, and my aunt. Which proves that she can make one and that she does know how to. So, members of the jury, I find that defence quite simply inexcusable.

Human genetics, a field in which she is a world expert, that’s easy. A piece of piss. But a cup of tea? Far too complex.

Perhaps she has a point. Some use loose leaf tea, some use in a pot and employ methods which border on the scientific. Some use the ‘milk in last’ rule, some put milk in first. Some people even use sugar. And varying amounts of this thing. One, two, nine. Some people use sugar’s robot friend, the sweetener.

But my needs are simple. Bag in mug. Pour on water. Fetch the engine, fetch the engines, leave it about a minute and a half with some spoony agitation of tea bag, add milk. Not too much. Just enough to make it the colour of cognac snifter, the paint.

Whenever I made my gran a cup of tea, each and every time she’d say “I don’t know what you’ve done but that was the best cup of tea I’ve ever had” and I get where she’s coming from.

A cup of tea, made by someone else. A cup of tea which says ‘No, you sit down and have a break. I’ll do this. I’ll bring you a nice cup of tea because you’re awsome’ is one of the nicest and simplest things someone can do for you. I know this because recently someone made me one. And it was blissful.

Or am I taking this far too seriously? After all, it’s only a cup of tea? Of course, my ex-wife gave birth to our two beautiful children so perhaps I should let her off with the tea ting? Maybe.

Perhaps she’s just been employing that rule. You know, the one that states “The Boss Never Makes The Tea.”

Is there anything you or your partner, for whatever reason, refuses to do? And I don’t mean that. Or that, you filthy lot. Please leave your comments in my hole and I’ll pop over with a nice cuppa and a biscuit as a thank you.

And thanks for reading.

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34 responses to “A nice cup of tea

  1. My OH rarely makes me a cuppa. He does it if I’m sick or is trying to apologise but thinks its my job! He does everything else including cleaning the bathroom, under the beds, the entire house and all the ironing but he draws the line at a cup of tea… I don’t get it!

  2. I love tea, but when someone makes it for me, they don’t make it how I like it i’m a fussy sod like that…Hubby hates changing the bed, he’ll do anything else around the house, but asl him to change the bed and he turns into a whining 4yo throwing a tantrum and chucking himself on the floor screaming and crying, ok maybe thats a little over the top, but you get the picture!

    Ally.x

  3. Cannot believe she NEVER made you tea! I don’t drink coffee but still make it for my hubs (thankfully it’s instant from the jar and not a mocha-grande-espresso-chino from some godawful contraption!)

    It’s not about tea. It’s about being considerate. If you can’t be bothered to “learn” how to put a teabag and hot water into a cup for the one you love, you really need to take a good long look at your relationship…

  4. As I just tweeted to you…my husband truly makes epic tea. I make shitty tea. He proclaims that surely it’s just swishing a bag around in a cup so it can’t be that hard. But it means a lot to me because when he brings me that amazing cuppa in bed, it’s the most romantic thing he can do. I am trying to learn to make great tea so that I can make him feel special like that too. I figure that if we get these simple gestures right then maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a long and happy marriage.
    Speaking of tea, could murder one now

    • Some people think it’s just a cup of tea but sometimes it can mean so much more, as you rightly point out.
      Thanks for your comment and I wish you a long and very happy marriage. πŸ™‚

  5. I can just see your ad on a dating site…”Looking for someone who will make me a cup of tea.” πŸ™‚ I think we convince ourselves that there are certain things we cannot do and then we live as if it were true.

  6. My OH will peel potatoes but flatfly refuses to dispose of the peelings as he does not like the feel of them on his hands. No amount of cajoling will get him to put them in the waste despite having already touched the peelings when peeling. I just don’t get it!

  7. I only drink coffee and my wife only drinks tea but we still manage to make a brew for each other. Bringing her tea in bed earns me so many brownie points it is worth brushing up my skills.

  8. My hubbie will kindly make me a cup of tea if I ask. Very nice of him,
    very caring husband blah blah etc etc… But that’s not the point – I feel he should OFFER rather than wait to be asked! I often find him with a cuppa in hand having not asked me if I want one. Am I being unreasonable…?!

  9. I love a good blog post about tea and how people appreciate it’s value.
    I don’t think you’re looking into the whole cup of tea business too much at all, honestly, tea is one of the main reasons I’m with my boyfriend, we’re tea addicts, and the main reason we began talking, was because of tea. (and console games).
    I think making another person a cup of tea is kind of a small way of saying how much you appreciate them. When I get up, I immediately make my boyfriend a cup of tea, and he does the same for me. When we argue the make up consists of a nice cup of tea and a cuddle to go with it.
    I couldn’t ask for anything more from him than a nice cup of tea. And when I visit him in his town there’s lovely little tea rooms where we always go.
    Tea makes the world go round. πŸ™‚

  10. My husband won’t iron anything that can’t be ironed on ‘hot’- and nothing with fiddly pleats or anything in it. But then I won’t iron his shirts, so we’re quits on that. And he wouldn’t shave my legs for me when I was pregnant (although he did cut my toenails – he could obvioulsy put up with hairy legs but not skanky feet). He makes a great cuppa – his speciality is Sunday afternoon tea, while mine is the ‘get the system going first cup of the day’ job.

  11. I make the morning teas because im up first with the little ones. He makes the evening teas while I put the little ones to bed. So 50 50 on the tea thing. I guess a job he mostly does is taking the rubbish to the outdoor bins, I dont like to do that. To me thats a mans job lol. I will and have done it though, just rarely. He however refuses to fold clothes and make the bed. Claiming he just cant do it and if he did it would only be wrong. It probably would though Im quite particular hehe x

  12. You have my sympathy but you don’t need to make me that cuppa ‘cos the Vicar brings me one every morning. It buys him a lie in and silent breakfast behind the Church Times after I’ve fed the kids, cleaned out the cat litter tray, prepared the lunch boxes, put on the laundry, washed up, signed off the homework and walked the children to school.

  13. As an avid tea drinker, I feel your pain.

    I work from home so consume gallons of the stuff, but there is nothing better than someone making you a nice cup of tea, just the way you love it. Not too milky, not too strong. Just perfect.

  14. I like tea. I think she could/should have made you tea. If I go to the kitchen to get a drink I politely ask if anyone else wants anything… And will make tea if it’s requested even if I am getting a cold drink. Isn’t that just normal courtesy to the people you live with?

  15. I have to ask (sometimes bully) my hubby into making the tea a he doesn’t drink it either. Flipping wierd if you ask me, how can someone not drink tea?

    Anyway, the only thing I won’t do is the ironing. I hate hate hate it. Hubs does his own shirts, most other stuff gets worn flat πŸ™‚

    Other than that I’ll do it all, taking the bin out- painting- DIY -picking up animal shit, gardening … All of it. Just don’t ask me to iron.

    • I won’t wash up! Mainly because my OCD would mean I use all the hot water, all the washing up liquid, take an hour and have very dry hands at the end of it! Much simpler to have someone more normal do it! I also hate making tea – cos peoples are waaay too fussy about how they like it!

  16. I hardly ever drink tea – I do like it, I just don’t bother often. At a previous job my bitch of a secretary made an OFFICIAL complaint about me for 2 offences. 1) not answering the phone (it was part of her job description and, perhaps it was mean of me but I felt if I helped her out she would just carry on talking to her BOYFRIEND in CANADA on the company’s time and at the company’s cost. 2) I never made her a CUP OF TEA!!!! WTF!!! If I’m not making myself one why would I make her one? To my mind the “Tea breaks during work” issue is akin to “fag breaks during work” – that is, an excuse to down tools and waste ten minutes in every hour. And worse for smokers as they rarely do fag & tea at the same time.

    Just thought I’d get that off my chest!

  17. Lionel Richtea, my favourite. Totally agree about how much it means if someone offers to make you a cuppa. With some people they will never ask no matter how many you make for them. Even just one made for me makes me feel so happy. I know the hubby is really trying to please if he makes me one.

  18. omg, not even a cuppa after surgery, thats got to be good grounds for divorce! eek. i make my other half make me one…ok well i dont have a gun to his head whilst he prepares but if i make a cuppa i tell him its his turn next or as he is having a fag by the door he may as well make one whilst hes in the kitchen….i always have a good excuse!

  19. I make dreadful tea, amazing coffee, but dreadful tea, but I try. and the other day, having been married for almost 15 years, my husband said “I think that is the best cup of tea you have ever made me!”

    I can’t believe she never made you a cup of tea, that says lots in my book… I’ll make you a bad cup of tea, and feed you cake too

    Loving your work x

    • Many thanks. I’m glad your husband made that comment. It ensures you’ll make another one. Unless you want to rest on the fact that that cuppa is the best you’ve ever made, and will be the best you’ve ever made.

  20. It is so nice to have a cup of tea made for you, or a glass of wine poured for you etc, just to feel cared for and looked after.

    I make the morning cuppa as he’s still in bed, but he makes the evening ones (this routine is not set in stone, but how it usually happens!).

    But, I also know some people who are “funny about making tea” because they don’t drink it themselves. I wonder if your ex is generally the type of person who likes to do things that she knows she can do well.

    I don’t like making the “hot drinks round” for lots of people in a group situation or at work etc. Too many different combinations, I hate it if I accidentally miss anyone out and I feel offended if I notice they end up not drinking it (over sensitive!).

    I couldn’t wait to be able to make my Mum and late Dad a cuppa. My mum is quite fussy though, she only likes the smallest smidging of milk and I used to pour in too much so she wouldn’t drink it.

    My son wanted to make me a cuppa. After the “‘Elf and safety” talk of hot water etc, I let him, but he ended up giving me a cup of luke warm tea. I had to pretend I liked it to aviod hurting his feelings, as the thought was there and that’s the most important thing.

    I also like the ritual of making my own tea, so I’m off to put the kettle on! πŸ™‚

  21. Unreal! In the 16yrs I’ve known my husband I’ve only made him one cup of tea, that’s one more than he’s made for me. Mind you, we’re coffee drinkers πŸ˜‰

  22. Well my OH doesn’t like fish and, thinking about it, he’s never cooked any for me. But then I do most of the cooking and I wouldn’t really expect him to cook something he dislikes when he does… And he goes to the chippy for me!
    I think it’s sad that your ex never made a cuppa for you but I’m glad to read that ‘someone’ made you one! Keep us posted!!

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