Hard at it on the floor

Few things are more satisfying than a session hard at it on the kitchen floor.

Even on a hot day, as the sweat trickles down into the small of your back, even while the kettle’s boiling, you can still make those three minutes count. And they be can be oh so satisfying.

Or in the bathroom. It can be tough as it’s a small space, but you can hold onto the walls, grasp at the slippery tiles or the shower curtain. But sometimes, when you’re hard at it you can be so oblivious to your surroundings.

But I keep thinking back to the kitchen. I’ve had some amazing times in the kitchen. On the worktops. At the sink. On the drainer. Right up close to the cupboard doors. The gentle hum of the fridge disguising the sounds, the throes and the jubilant cries of a sublime moment.

Have to say, the bedroom is good. Sometimes getting down to it on the carpet, getting down there between the legs and thrusting your end in where it’s so desperately needed… It’s unforgettable. But you can get some serious carpet burns. Believe me. I know.

I’m talking about cleaning.

And I was talking about hoovering under the bed. Leaning down on the carpet and putting the end of the hoover between the legs of the bed. Obviously. Or the sublime moments in the kitchen when you get that little bit of dirt off the floor, just by the cupboards. With a bit of elbow grease and some hard work.

I love cleaning.

Sometimes, in a quiet moment when shopping, I slide unnoticed down the cleaning products aisle. I hope no-one notices me at least. I feel so naughty. I look about but often go when the shop is quiet. Late.

I look at the products. The wipes, the antibacterial sprays, the all-purpose cleaner. I touch them. I take their tops off and smell them. I finger the trigger and hold them softly in my hands.

I smile.

I see someone. I hurry and put it in my basket and cover it with a copy of ‘Naked Nuns Monthly’ to disguise my shame.

I pay at the self service checkout, so I don’t have to waste time waiting, and hurry back to my flat, breath catching in my throat as I rummage in my trouser pocket for my doorkeys. I can’t wait.

My heart is beating faster, faster, ever faster. Thudding in my ears.

The key enters the lock. I twist and burst into the hallway, panting hard.

Hot, sweating. I compose myself.

I look around.

I see the flat is spotless.

I look into my shopping bag and see what I’ve bought. A bottle of Dettol Anti-bacterial Multi-Action Complete Clean. I take it out of the bag and put it in the cupboard under the sink with the other 4. I look longingly at them, take a moment, and close the door. Somewhat ashamed. I walk away. I think about looking back but I don’t. I can’t. I keep walking away.

The walk of shame.

I do love a good hard clean. Right into all the nooks and crannies. Starting small sometimes and, often unexpectedly, I find myself just being taken over and going for it. Hard and full.

Am I the only one? Please share with the group. And thanks for reading.

39 responses to “Hard at it on the floor

  1. Haha this made me laugh. Everyone in my house hates cleaning. Am rather envious u enjoy it. Must make it easier.

  2. You are the polar opposite to my husband!!! I cann’t believe you exist! I’ll be leaving this post pointedly open on the lap-top in the vain hope he sees it. (And with an opening like that, maybe you should re-name it 50 shades of Dettol?)

    • I find the cleaning process very therapuetic and good exercise. The things I don’t like doing are hanging out washing and ironing, but I rock a crumbled look better than scrubbing up.
      Plus, I don’t have an iron. I figure if we all wear crumpled clothes then no-one will mind and it’ll save time for other forms of vigorous exercise. πŸ™‚

  3. I hate cleaning but still find it satisfying when the sinks shine and the floor gleams. Although in my house, between the dog and my other half, it stays like that for a nano second. If you have the cleaning urge and have nothing left to clean, feel free to come round. I will always have cleaning that needs doing. I will ensure I have custard creams in the cupboard.

  4. Hey:)

    I also love cleaning, however I do get disheartenend by the fact I can be at it all day, and by the time i’m done upstairs, downstairs has been host to hubby and bubby so doesn’t look like I did anything….

    also the thing with cleaning is, no one notices when you’ve done any, but sure as hell notice when you don’t!


    • Good points. And weirdly, living in my small flat I seem to do more of it than when I lived with the children in our 4 bedroom house. I guess there’s fewer places to spread myself around.
      Thanks for reading and for commenting. πŸ™‚

  5. Hygiene wipes do it for me. I’d say that they’ve transformed my life and browsing them on the shelves of the 99p shop is one of my secret pleasures. You should link this to Mummy365’s Fifty Shades of Parenthood think on Friday.

    • It’s already been suggested to me. What on earth did we do before those things. I have slight eco issues with the wipes but I use them sparingly. 40 a day is sparingly isn’t it? #joke
      Thanks for reading. This is a set up piece to that thing what we discussed. πŸ™‚

  6. Ha ha, loved this! Taking 50 shades to a new level….I am with you on the cleaning front, so satisfying to walk into a clean, fresh and tidy house – oh I love my cleaner!

  7. I hate cleaning. I quite like the satisfaction of a job well done though. If you like, I’ll let you come round & have a go on my nooks. And even my crannies. They’re filthy.

  8. this is my husband, down to the last detail. too bad he’s not the stay at home parent right now. poor thing has to deal with me (playing online while the baby sleeps rather than cleaning!).

    • I sometimes deny myself a treat, to clean a bit, and then don’t give myself the treat as I’ve treated myself to a good session.
      I’m quite, quite sad.
      Thanks for commenting and for reading.

  9. I loathe housework. Because it doesn’t stay done. One day I am going to clean, and then have our house hermetically sealed so it stays that way forever. We will have to live in the car- but at least the house will be clean.

  10. It fills me with a deep and unadulterated joy that you love cleaning. I hate it. I will hang out all your washing AND iron your clothes for you as long as you do everything else. Deal?

  11. For a moment I thought my boyfriend had taken over your blog and posted this, he’s exactly the same. I find myself dragging him away from the cleaning product isles.
    I’ve just got to hope he’s the man I marry, it saves myself a lot of time and broken nails ahahaha

  12. As I was reading this my my was thinking….
    “oh he’s actually talking about it!…. about cleaning”
    (I have a filthy mind you see, it also needs cleaning)
    Great post, know what you mean, nothing more satisfying than a good scrub.
    Just wish I did it more often! Then my house wouldn’t be as dirty as my mind! πŸ˜‰

  13. Ooh you had me going then! But on a more serious note, as a loather of cleaning (I suffer from domesticaphobia) I believe that there is a market for male cleaners. Worth more than a moments thought perhaps!

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