CRT dispersal and falling out of trees

Sleep has not been my best buddy of late. Lots on my mind and all that shizzle. Reminds me of an old joke.

‘My dad used to sit up all night, unable to sleep, worrying about the coming harvest. Which was odd as he worked as a chartered accountant.’

So yes, in a sense, I’d been up late of late worrying about the coming harvest. So yesterday afternoon I had a nap. Stuff had been building up and I felt unsettled. 30 minutes was all I wanted.

That day I woke early, 5ish, ran, had breakfast, a shower and did what I needed to do, applied for a couple of jobs, tinkered with my CV a bit, sent some personal emails to family and friends. Wrote something. I wrote something other than this.It was a bit weird because I couldn’t be me, kind of, ish, but I did it and it’s all good experience.

But by 3ish things were getting on top of me, so I napped.

During this nap I fell into a light sleep. Images flicked through my head, like a coffee table book made up solely of pictures. Snapshots of the past month. I know I was dreaming but it was just fragments of things.

When I worked in IT I went on a course and the course leader talked about monitors and fixing them. Basically he said, “Don’t.”

These old CRT monitors, the heavy fuckers, like the old non-flat screen TV’s, built up a charge of electricity so big that if you went anywhere near that cathode ray tube without dispersing the charge it could kill you. It could discharge that electricity into you and throw you, not only across the room, but across the room, down the road, way past the traffic lights and into the next town. This is what I was told. So I’ve never fucked around with one of those bad boys.

But this made me think of dreams. The brain could be the cathode ray tube and in order for it to rest and function without EXPLODING IN YOUR FACEย  the build up needs to be discharged. Into dreams. I’m no scientist, it’s just an idea.

And then, of course, I was awake. I’d been thinking about fucking cathode ray tubes.

I enjoy having dreams, but I’ve been told that you don’t really have a great night’s sleep when you dream. Apparently you don’t go into the right sort of deep sleep. Not properly. And certainly not when you have a saucy one about Kate Garraway like I did some time ago.

For those who don’t know who Kate Garraway is, this is she. And, fact fans, the dream started on a sofa and ended in the kitchen.

I tried to drop off again, putting a blanket over my head. All went well. No images, or movies playing out in my headbox. Obviously the build up had discharged.

I felt myself relaxing, drifting off…


I’ve been told that this sleep twitch is an evolutionary throwback from when, as apes, we’d sleep in trees. The twitch was designed to alert our chimpy selves that we’re about to fall from the tree and we’d better wake up PDQ. Or die.

Which reminds me of a hilarious joke. Insomniac rings the sleep clinic;

“Doctor Doctor, I’m having trouble sleeping. When I get off to sleep I get this twitch which wakes me up again!”

“Myoclonic jerk”

“Don’t be so fucking rude I was just looking for advice!”

Actually I made that one up.

There was no possibility of a sleep that day, so I did what any sensible person does at such a time. I decided I’d blog about it and ate a shit load of biscuits.

Sleep. I guess I can live off 5 or 6 hours a day. I existed off much much less when the children were newborns. Thatcher ran a country having had less sleep. But then, you know, she was a bit *Does that curly whirly finger on side of forehead thing.*

I think I know what might sort me out, sleepwise. Cause me to place my head on the pillow and rest fully and deeply and wake like a spring bunny, fresh and up for a new day.


A great deal of excellent, sweaty, passionate, gasping, panting, filled with outcries of sexual pleasure, sexy sexy SEXY sexytime.

But that’s for another blog post.

How’s your relationship with sleep? Are you dreaming more or less as you get older? Do you remember dreams? Should I be worried about this Kate Garraway thing? Please feel free to share any sleep related experiences.

Oh, and thanks for reading.

18 responses to “CRT dispersal and falling out of trees

  1. I have a serious lack of sleep! Can’t get to sleep, can’t stay asleep, and always dreaming. I love dreaming though, it’s so random.
    ‘a dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep!’
    I wake up horny all the time. I need sex too.
    Even alcohol won’t make me pass out anymore

  2. I’ve flirted with insomnia off and on, but am currently going steady with proper sleep. My wife isn’t, though: I’ve started snoring. It’s an age thing, I think. Never seem to have interesting dreams, even when, thanks to your advice, I’ve eaten cheese just before bed. Although the other night I dreamed that the Ageing Matron and her family had moved to Ecuador, which must have been weirdly connected to Julian Assange holing up in the embassy.

    • Is there a Guardian connection with the Ecuador thing? Reckon I’d make a great dream analyst.
      Or not.
      Thanks for reading. Glad sleep is good for you and yes, when I do, sometimes I snore. Sometimes, apparently like a bastard. Which I guess is bad.

  3. I love sleep. And fortunately sleep loves me too. Problem is I have 3 kids who’s relationship with sleep is less all embracing. A nap would be a wonderful thing. I often find myself nodding whilst reading bedtime stories. I could then nod off and get about 10 hours sleep. But I don’t. I get up, go and make dinner, spend and hour or two blogging/tweeting/reading and then its midnight. Bugger.

    • When I looked after the kids all day I was up at 6 and in bed by 9.30, zonked. Knackered, slept well but heard the kids if they woke. Now I just can’t get the right balance. Silly innit.
      Thanks for reading. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. You and I have two very big things in common. 1) I am like Kaye Garraway’s number one fan, she is a total babe, 2) I am also a gay Dad, with a wonderful young daughter Charlie. Sliding doors or what?

    • Good of you to come out like that. As KG’s number one fan.
      But, I’m not a gay dad so we don’t have that in common but, thanks for reading and for commenting on my blog. Have fun my friend.

  5. Yep you are right – a dream is all about sorting out the stuff from the day, so it is good for the brain. But if I sleep really lightly, I find it very tiring sometimes – like my brain doesn’t rest.

    I’ve had loads of problems with sleep for years and have just about managed to crack it – hope you don’t mind me pimping a post, but I wrote up some ideas a week ago, and thought some might help you …

    My problem is that the opposite of yours – sexy time – doesn’t work for me :o( I’m one of the few people who gets a huge adrenaline rush when I have sex and can’t sleep for HOURS afterwards. That was fine when the kids were young and ‘lunch time quickies’ were available, but it’s a bummer when you’re knackered. You’ve inspired me to blog about it, because no amount of googling has found me an answer, maybe bloggersville has a solution for me.

    • Thanks. I’ll take a look at your post and I don’t mind you pimping it at all. If it helps others too then that’s good, and we could all do with some help from others from time to time. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. I am a dreadfully light sleeper, I dream every night, and a lot during the night. Maybe I need more sexytime too? Like the sort you mention? Some of that? Soon?

  7. I sleep so easily at night but you didn’t really want to know that, did you? As for Kate Garraway, she wouldn’t do it for me. Cathode rays probably would. Have you ventured down the 50 Shades of Grey route? That could be just the thing and tick two boxes – books send you off and when you’re not asleep you’ll be getting something erotic. You could always insert Kate Garraway in place of the protagonist?

  8. i’m having difficulty sleeping at the moment but you are right about sex. on the rare occasion i see the other half (I work mon – fri, he works evenings and wends) and manage to get my leg over I sleep like a baby. for me its stress that is keeping me awake so currently i’m just tired all the bloody time. I can’t remember dreaming at the mo but i do toss and turn a LOT.
    It probably doesnt help that i co sleep with my DD and she tosses and turns too and i often wake cause she talks in her sleep (she laughed once). KG not so much. Schofield… hmmmmmm!!!

  9. Aahh sleep. I remember that….I think. I dont get a great nights sleep. I co sleep with my three year old son and my one year old daughter who are both so so wriggle. I frequetly get kicked and slapped. And they wake at 5 to 5.30 everyday. Having said that I get to snuggle my two beautiful babies all night every night and I wouldnt change that for all the sleep in the universe. So alls good. I hope you get some good sleep soon. Maybe have your kids for the night if at all possible. . .

  10. When I can’t sleep I put the World Service on the radio and I usuall nod off again quickly – but the other day there was a programme teaching Irish Dancing, ON THE RADIO! That was it, I was properly awake astonished by the fact this programme existed, wondering how it might work (it didn’t). Bring back programmes about the economy of Azerbaijan. I need to get to sleep

    • Irish dancing on the radio? It’ll never catch on. A bit like mime on the radio.
      I’ll try the World Service, thank you. And thanks for reading and commenting. ๐Ÿ™‚

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