I have a parenting issue, and I’m not sure what to do about it. So, forgive me for asking, and forgive me for impinging upon your valuable time, but I do need some advice.
My son has a friend from his old playgroup. He mentions him every day, well, at least every time I see him. They haven’t seen each other since March. T doesn’t go to the same playgroup any more but the two of them used to play every day. He always said that this little boy (and me) were his best friends.
Whenever we’re going somewhere T always says he hopes his little friend will be there. I don’t sense he’s disappointed when he’s not, but I don’t know. All I do know is I don’t want my son to be disappointed in anything right now. I know he’ll suffer disappointment at some time and I can’t stop that but, right now, I’ll take the disappointments son. I’ve got broader shoulders.
So. Back to the shizzle. My ex-wife has the contact details of T’s friend’s parents and I’ve asked her numerous times if she’s made contact to set up a play date or get-together. She hasn’t. Last weekend she said that another friend from T’s new playgroup had moved from the area and he should just get used to this. ‘People move away, people move on’ she said. It seems he doesn’t want to make contact, for whatever reason. I don’t know the reason. We don’t talk really.
The thing is T’s friend hasn’t moved away. He’s over there. *Points over there* A 15 minute walk away, or a 3 minute drive. He’s not moved away. T has new friends from his new playgroup but he does keep talking of this boy fondly. And, as far as I can see, there should be no reason for them not to see each other, unless of course they’re both busy doing other things or his parents disapprove, which I can’t imagine.
I’d like my ex-wife to try arrange something, even just a couple of hours a month at a playground or soft play place out of town. Somewhere they can play together, see each other, be friends.
Because I don’t feel I can do this. I can’t simply email T’s little friend’s mum and suggest something. Can I? She’s always been friendly but surely it sounds better coming from my ex-wife. Mum emailing mum and all that. Perhaps I’m overthinking this side of it a bit, but how would you feel if the father (divorced) of a friend of your child emailed you out the blue suggesting a playdate somewhere? It’s not like the kids could come round to my studio flat so it would have to be… oh I don’t know. It couldn’t be at my old house it would have to be…
See. I’m confused. I’m overthinking it aren’t I?
So it could be easier for my ex-wife to suggest something but I get the impression my ex-wife doesn’t want to. As I said. I don’t know the reasons.
I realise that this may make my ex-wife sound cold, or a little thoughtless, but this isn’t the case. Perhaps she just finds this hard too. Perhaps she doesn’t want to sit down with T’s friend’s mum and get asked some questions about ‘what happened.’ Perhaps she’s just too busy. There could be a whole load of valid and real reasons why she doesn’t want to do this. I just don’t know what they are. And, of course, I don’t want to step on her toes or do anything she doesn’t want me to do. Obviously.
All I know is ‘people move on’, as she said. T hasn’t – he wants to see his friend. And I know that if they do meet again they’ll have a lot of fun. But me organising it all seems more complex. Or am I just being a dick? Or is this just actually all about me me wanting something that used to be? Do I need to move on?
Because people move on.
I’m faced with the prospect that in 3 years my children and my ex-wife will be moving on. To Scotland. Where I’ll be I don’t know. Should I follow them? Do I sort out a life for myself here, now, for the next few years, only to have to stop all that when they move? Do I relocate too? My ex-wife is looking at houses now to get a feel for things, to see which areas she likes and what the schools have to offer. Fuck. Scotland. Okay, it’s not the moon but unless I move with them I’m not going to see them as much.
But in the meantime, what should I do about my son and his little friend? All answers and advice, all suggestions and comments, warmly welcomed.
Thanks for reading.