Where’s your mamma gone?

An interesting fact about me. For some odd reason I really like the song Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep. And, all weekend while at Britmums Live, I had this song stuck in my head as the event was full of mums and dads who’d left the homestead for a much deserved weekend or day, meeting old friends and new, learning new things, being inspired or remotivated in terms of blogging and generally having a laugh.

Where’s your mamma gone? Wheres your mamma gone?

She’s at Britmums innit.

500 delegates, attendees, whatever word you want to use. Lots going on. How to condense it all into enough words to give you an idea about it but without boring you stupid? Well, here goes.

B – Brilliantly organised. I have some experience of doing similar things and I know how tough and exhausting they can be in the run up and at the time, so hats off to them. The Britmums organisers and helpers were all fantastic and I’d like to thank them once again for inviting me to be on the panel.

R -Really surprised by seeing men in pants serving wine at the evening pre-BiB awards drinks. Wondered for a sec if they were the other dads on the blogging panel and we’d been put to another use and I’d not got the memo.

I – I did not have a wank under the table during the closing session, for the record. I went off to the loo, left my laptop unlocked and “someone” decided to have fun. It’s a shame that, perhaps, my funniest ever tweet wasn’t written by me.
Actually, I think I phrased the above incorrectly. It sounds like I didn’t have a wank under the table but went off to the loo to have one. I did not. I did not wank under the table or anywhere else for that matter, your honour.

T – Tits. It was really hard to cop a look at everyone’s nametags when they were at tit level. Me and my one working eye and lots of badges which I found hard to read. So, I’m sorry if it looked like I was looking at your tits. I was just looking at your badge.
Except for you. I was looking at your tits.

M -Massive Toblerone, brought for me by her incredibleness @Swiss_Liss. Looky looky. My gran always told me to never eat anything bigger than your own head but, in this case, I might let this piece of advice slide.

U – Underwhelmed a bit at times by the content of the meeting and the various discussions. I did go to one which I thought was excellent but some of the others didn’t interest me. Perhaps next time there could be more about creativity, what you do when you can’t blog, how do you get your ideas, finding your voice etc. The creative side rather than the technical perhaps. That being said I’m not the one in charge and I blog very differently to others. Possibly because I have an important penis.

M – Most uttered phrase by me? “Oh fuck, my phone’s run out of charge.” As such I didn’t get any photos. And wonder if my phone is just a bit shit. Annoying as I wanted to tweet and take photos but it wasn’t to be.

S – Shaking like a loon while all my thoughts and words evacuated my headbox in the hour before the Dad Bloggers panel I was speaking at. Thanks to all those who held me together and reinstalled my confidence while it was threatening to disappear via my bumhole.

L – Lasagne for dinner on the Friday night. The dinner was organised by @ministryofmum and @mummybarrow and was a lot of fun. 30 people, Italian food, wine, great company and lots of banter.

I – I could list the people I met and chatted to, had fun with, had a right old laugh with, but I won’t as it would be a massive list. They know how much I had fun with them, hopefully, and to everyone I met I’d like to say how much of an honour it was. If I didn’t meet you then I’m sorry and hopefully we’ll meet another time.

V -Very self-conscious for about 6 minutes that amongst 500 delegates there were about 30 men. But, really, that dissipated when I realised that everyone was so incredibly welcoming and friendly, we were all just people in a room getting on, and that’s what makes life rich and interesting.

E -Except I will mention one person I met who I’ve been wanting to meet for ages. Simon, @sessionblogger AKA @musodad. He didn’t come to the conference but came along after work to meet some people and say hi. He’s the same dude in real life as on Twitter and a total legend, like everyone I met in fact. Simon is, as he says of others, a beautiful man. Someone who restores your faith in humanity and in life just by spending time in his company.

So that’s that. I could go on but I won’t. I had a great time and I’d like to thank the special people I spent time with, who made me feel welcome and comfortable, and who I now consider friends. I plan to go again next year, if I can. Hopefully I’ll see you all there.

I did come away with one question though. Just one, but a fairly big one. And it’s been on my mind since so I have to share.

I’d love to know who, during the pre-BiB awards drinks session, gave my arse a right old grope.

Thanks for reading.

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28 responses to “Where’s your mamma gone?

  1. Random crap fact… my mum dumped the drummer from Middle of the Road (called Los Caracas then) when she started seeing my dad. A few years later, when they got married, Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep was number one in the hit parade.

    I’m sure there’s some really cosmic message in there about what goes around coming around or karma or something, but I can’t for the life figure out what it is. So it’s an interesting story and nothing else.

    Or maybe it’s not even that interesting?

    • It IS an interesting fact. My mum also went out with a drummer from a 60’s band. What is it about drummers?
      Thanks for reading and for your awesome #facthard

  2. Hit the nail on the head – Where were the creativity sessions?
    And as far as I can work out, not being feminist/sexist or anyfink but guys on the whole don’t get blogging, hence not so many dad bloggers.. Just saying.
    Lovely to grope/meet *cough* you x

    • Good point well made. Some don’t but then I know a whole load of people, men and women, who just don’t get it. I know some blokes who blog for work, like an online CV thing, but that’s very different.
      Thanks for reading and it was wonderful to meet you and hope to do so again. You have a gorgeous smile. And I hope you don’t take that in a creepy way.

  3. Nice write up, one of the seemingly hundreds I’ve read today! 🙂

    I’m going to be in attendance next year, hopefully, so I hope you will be too.

  4. Ive been a stalker of yours for a long time (although i wasn’t at britmums so am not guilty for the bum groping!) so wanted to finally leave a comment! Glad you had a good time, I’m hoping to go myself next year.

    • Excellent news times two. One, that you’re planning to go to Britmums next year and two, that I have a stalker! 😉
      Thanks for reading and for commenting.

  5. Hope to go next year,too. Primarily just to meet faces. Like your suggestion of more creativity sessions, since I’m not crafty, arty, bake-y, or indeed fun in anyway…not much else for me, I imagine 🙂

  6. I found some of the sessions rushed and bit too much to take in, but I think I was like that with everything that day and maybe if I’d come the Saturday I would have relaxed a bit more. Was still v nice to meet everyone and you were great on the panel (when they let you speak!)

    • LOL, thanks. I enjoyed the experience and wished I hadn’t suddenly become reet shy just beforehand.

  7. So I take it you didn’t know any of the mum bloggers’ names then? *ahem*

    Great post, sorry I missed it.

    CJ x

    • I did get to know them when they introduced themselves and when I said Hi, but couldn’t really squint down at people’s tits.

  8. Really wish I’d had chance to talk to you (in fact I wish I had taken up the offer to stay and listen to the dad’s panel when Luschka and I thought we ought to leave because tge session I went to was not what I expected at all and felt more like a 5pm lecture on a Friday afternoon than an inspiring session). It wasn’t you who either took our photo or invited us to stay for tge panel was it? I just realised I was so tired at that point it could have been anyone and maybe I did speak to you and now seem really rude for not saying a proper hello!

    Also, I agree, it would have been lovely to have some more creative sessions and not quite so many technical ones. Can’t wait until next year… If you go next year and I miss you a second time you have permission to tell me off 😉

  9. I’m glad your speaking went well! How rude of them to not ask you to get half dressed ! If any of those men were going as freebies please send them my way! X

  10. Thanks for the shout out, buddy. The feeling’s mutual. I was so looking forward to meeting you and I’m so glad we found time for a chat on the way to All Bar One. Let’s hook up again soon.

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