So DavCam and ALL his aides and assistants and a couple of other families they were lunching with, all managed to leave one of his children behind in a pub after a Sunday bender. Sambucas, pitchers of cocktails, the lot. A reet boozy do. I reckon.
The person on the radio just now said ‘Oh we’ve all done it.’
Have we? Certainly not me. I’ve never left so much as a bottle, a pair of sunglasses, a shoe, a stuffed toy, and cuddly blanket or a spoon behind let alone… MY OWN CHILD.
DavCam got in his car and assumed that his daughter was in the other car with the SamCam and the others. SamCam thought the child was in the other car with DavCam. Whoops!
If I’d done this the mother of my children would’ve screamed at me so much she would’ve ripped THE FLESH FROM MY BONES. But, apparently, it happens all the time.
Despite this ‘whoops we left our daughter in a boozer’ story you can be damn sure the Cams won’t be investigated by social services, or anything like that. Of course not. It was a mistake. A genuine one. Ha ha ha, let’s all laugh.
Leaving an 8 year old girl in a pub was a mistake.
Not doing a head count and thinking, right, before we leave let’s make sure we have ALL THE CHILDREN here and then we can leave was a mistake.
They have 3 children. It makes me think that perhaps they can’t count to 3. Which explains a lot.
Now, I don’t know if I smell a heady waft of the PR about this Tory story.
“Let’s make the Cameron’s sound like normal everyday people. Not extremely wealthy people who a lot of people think haven’t a clue about what goes on in the real world.”
“How shall we do this?”
“Let’s release the story about them leaving their daughter in a pub. Yeah that’ll do it. Everyone does it. My dad left me in a pub once and I’m fine now”
“I’ve never done it.”
“Oh fuck off YOU LITTLE WRETCH. Yeah? Wanna fight? Now. In the car park? EH EH EH?”
A lovely heartwarming story to make the general public see The Cameron’s as normal every day folk. Every day folk who leave their children behind, which works kinda well to the theme tune from The Wombles actually…
No. I don’t think it does. I think it makes them sound like fools. Complete and utter blithering idiots from the same mould as Tim Nice-But-Dim. Noobs.
But then I’m not a fan of their work.
Perhaps they’re releasing this story to bury some really bad news they’re about to spring on us. Like the fact that they’ve finally given Tesco permission to build a Death Star which will orbit our planet. Or they’ve sold off the Isle of Wight to China.
There are so many jokes one could make about this story and so little time. But I won’t, I’m not going there. I’m no comedian.
But I would like to offer The Camerons some advice. Next time you decide to get pished on a Sunday session, why not leave the kids with the babysitter, Mr Clegg?
Were you left anywhere as a child? Forgotten, abandoned in a pub? Did it traumatise you? Or have you ever left a man behind? In a pub? A supermarket? In a soft play centre?
Answers in my usual floom, and if I had a prize I’d offer it to the funniest one.
Thanks for reading.