Thanks to @ageingmatron for tagging me on this Olympic themed meme. To be quite honest, I couldn’t give a series of massive fucks about the Olympics but I’m one of these people who changes their mind, so I could really get into it once it starts. Either that or moan about it constantly.
Anyhow, here are the questions, and here are my answers, which is traditionally how these things are done innit?
- If every-day tasks were Olympic events what would you get a gold medal in?
Nappy changing. Moaning.
Actually I’m very good at cleaning windows. Not that I’ve considered a career in it or anything, I just enjoy doing them. Vinegar in water and newspaper pages to dry them off and get them sparkling. I shit you not.
- As a child (or now even) did you excel at a particular sport and if so which one?
I loved the luge but there wasn’t really anywhere to practice in Battersea. Or any snow.
- Michael Phelps (swimmer) or Michael Johnson (runner) – which sport appeals to you more?
I can’t swim, but want to, but not badly enough and I HATE running. I just look stupid when I run. Phelps is a bit of a noob but I have a lot of time for Michael Jackson when he’s on telly. Shaa-mow.
Oh, Michael Johnson? Yeah. Him too. Although I didn’t like the thing with the chimp. That was creepy.
Oh, Michael Johnson! Him. Yeah. He’s good. But the fact that he’s good doesn’t change the fact that when I run I look stupid, or drown when I swim.
- How fast can you get out of bed and ready to go out the door if you miss the alarm and sleep in?
Sleeping in? What’s that? I’ve been a parent for 3 years! In therory, under a minute with no grooming. I’ll probably swear for that minute but it’s inconsequential as I’m never late and never sleep in. I’m always stupidly early for stuff.
If you factoring in showering and teeth brushing the it probably still takes me a minute. Maybe three.
- What fantasy sport would you like to see made into an Olympic event?
That thing they did on Gladiators with the massive cushioned Q-Tips would be a good one. I’d like the Olympics to change a bit, and be a bit more like It’s a Knockout. Which I really miss.
- Claim-to-fame time: have you ever met an Olympian and who was it?
Not knowingly. I think I’d know because, by law, Olympians have to always wear a tracksuit and have their medals round their necks. ALL THE TIME.
- What event in past Olympics can you remember most vividly?
Daley Thompson doing the decathlon. I had that game on my ZX Spectrum and broke my joystick waggling it from side to side. Not a euphemism.
Usain Bolt in the 100 metres last time around.
Zola Budd fucking up Mary Decker.
I remember the US boycotting the Moscow Games in 1980.The Moscow Games had a funky mascot too. Look. Here’s Mishka the Olympic Bear.
- Tuning in at home, or tickets clamped ready in sweaty palms?
Ignoring it. I’m going to be doing this instead.
- Who do you think most deserves a gold medal (any walk of life not just Olympians)?
Every parent who has a difficult day and gets through it.
Anyone who has been an addict and quit that thing for good.
Anyone who suffers from a period of depression and gets out the other side alive.
Anyone who keeps their sanity while going through a relationship split or a divorce.
So, do the meme or the otter gets it.