Michael Gove’s exam plans – leaked document

Gove

Michael Gove. Not Pob.
That is, Michael Gove, government Minister. NOT Peh, Oh, Ber
Definitely not Pob.

London: England. February 7th 2014. About 4ish.

From Whitehall comes the following leaked exam paper, as government attempts to overhaul the education and exam system in the UK. Sources have revealed that in order to streamline exams, ministers will combine GCSE’s and A Levels into one super exam called the Academic Registrars Superior Examination.

This ARSE Level exam has been ‘trialled’ on a group of government ministers and we can proudly show the first exam paper to be sat by students in 2015.

Question 1: Read the following passage and answer the following questions. Please explain your answers fully and show all workings in the left hand column.

Kipper 1

i) Where are the family camping?

ii) What is Dad doing and why?

iii) Those children in the background are unsupervised. Which national newspaper would you complain to and why?

Question 2: Read the following passage and answer the following questions. Again, please explain your answers fully and show all workings in the left hand column.

Kipper 2

i) It is given that on average one car in forty is red. Using a suitable approximation, find the probability that, in a random sample of 130 cars, exactly 4 are untaxed and without insurance.

ii) Comment on what the passage suggests about gender roles.

iii) How many immigrants are in the picture?

Question 3: Please complete following visual test.

Arse

Government sources are confident that this exam, combined with increased ministerial micromanagement of the education system, will bring public and private education up to a world-leading level, just as Hell freezes over.

Ends

Oh it’s good to take a pop at Pob every now and again. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

Thanks for reading.

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